How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
