shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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