Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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