Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
