he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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