A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
