We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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