You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize