bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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