Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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