they need to just BURY HIM!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
