we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
