so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
PANTIES FOUND
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