Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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