well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
