people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
