Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize