You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
