my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
