Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
