The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize