Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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