The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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