just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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