sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
