so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i have two assholes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
