i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
