I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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