Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
