OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He has the fingertips of a God
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