Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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