areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
