we have pet lesbian snakes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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