dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
