Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize