then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
