Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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