I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
