at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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