my phone needs a breathalizer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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