Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
