Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
