wrigley field is MILF paradise
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
