Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
