I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
