The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
