it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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