Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
someone owes me an orgasm
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
