hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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