this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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