So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
