She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were trust falling into bushes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
