i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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