tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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