the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
