I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
