i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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