Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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