i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
