Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize