I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
