i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
