I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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