Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
