I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
