I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
