just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
