There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
