There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
