Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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