On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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