guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
