you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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